In Response to Questions About Kali

I find it really funny that people think it is 'none of their business'. It is totally your business, you're my friend. If anything, I wish more of my friends would ask about her and how I feel about it. Most of them just pretend she doesn't exist for fear of hurting my feelings.

It is really hard to see her not be able to do the things I know she desperately wants to do. Its hard for me to do most things. I have two children who cant walk and that makes going anywhere really difficult. I have never been angry at God but I have been angry that it flat happened. I have wondered if there was something we could have done differently but when it boils down to it there is absolutely no way we could have seen this coming and so I cant blame myself.

I do feel like my life is no longer my own, but what mother doesn't feel that way?? Even my hobbies revolve around her. I have taken so many pictures of her. I even go to the gym for her. I figure she is only getting heavier. I already have a hard time handling her so I've got to get stronger.

When she was born and we found out she would have alot of problems, Danny and I sat down and talked about how this would either pull us apart or bring us closer. We decided to make sure that the latter happened. We have seen so many miracles through her that have inspired other parents in similar situations.

She has tested me harder than I ever thought I would be tested. I thought that high school was hard...I had no idea.

I have learned so much through all of this medically and spiritually. It has made my second child SO EASY! I feel like a veteran mom.

I have had some really hard times though. There was a few months when Kali was only sleeping about 4 hours out of 24 and NOT consecutively. We honestly thought we were going to all kill each other and I was really depressed. I felt so helpless. We had just bought our business and Danny spent a lot of time and energy at work. I was really lonely and even thought of giving up a few times. I prayed and prayed for help and it came in the form of a gym membership and some tough love with Kali. I used the gym to get out my frustrations and I went late at night while Danny put Kali to bed. I then would come home after she was asleep and go to bed with earplugs. We just started ignoring her at night since she was safe and she soon learned to comfort herself and relax. A little prescribed Valium helped too.

So this is totally long now, but I hope I answered your questions. It's actually nice to have honest questions. Usually people give the line of 'special kids come to special parents'. I'm not special. I'm just doing the best I can.

Cold Weather and Laundry

It's so cold out and it's obvious that winter is on the way. My closet is lacking in the sweater department and I'm already tired of wearing my slippers.

Kali had a field trip today to Albertson's. I'm not sure what you do at a grocery store for a field trip but she came home with a small baggy of Cheerios and a coupon for one small apple or banana. I guess it was to promote healthy eating. Kali also come home wearing her 'emergency pants'. I guess her diaper leaked. Oh well. I've gotten used to doing 1-2 loads of kids laundry a day.

We've been getting PCS care off and on for about 6 weeks now and we've been through 5 girls. I am about ready to give up. I have asked over and over for a non-smoker and so far have had two heavy smokers.

Kali has physical therapy today. We are working on stretching, positioning, weight bearing, and standing. I feel like she is making a lot of progress these last couple weeks. When she got home from school she was very vocal and with it. I usually put her straight in bed for a nap, but we played for about a half and hour on the floor.

Danny finds out today whether or not we will be able to buy our second agency. It will help us so much financially if we get it. Danny has been so motivated and such a hard worker. I hope they see in him what I see.